


Taking a Lead

by Kainosite



Category: Political RPF - UK 21st c.
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coalition, Corporal Punishment, Discipline, Gen, Strapping, Tory CPverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-20
Updated: 2011-10-20
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kainosite/pseuds/Kainosite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David chastises Michael for being a war-mongering brat in Cabinet, but achieves no noticeable improvement in his attitude. Warning for really mild strapping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking a Lead

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to [this prompt](http://lolitics-meme.livejournal.com/8078.html?thread=15874446#t15874446) at the Lolitics meme.

David Cameron, Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, briefly indulged himself by thumping his forehead against his desk. He was about to strap the Secretary of State for Education, and he was pretty sure he was dreading the session more than Michael was.

Somehow these meetings never went according to plan, or seemed to have any lasting effect. He'd even been forced to cane Michael last summer over the BSF debacle- it had come down to a private punishment from David or a public one in front of the entire 1922 Committee, Michael had been prepared to fight it all the way to a vote he was certain to lose, and David had finally had to put his foot down; he couldn't have a Cabinet minister whipped by the backbenchers- and that had bought him all of a week before Michael was back on form, as cocky and irrepressible as ever.

If only he could be a little more like Nick. Nick was straightforward. When Nick did something wrong, David called him in, thrashed him, he was sorry, he didn't do it again. Simple. When Nick _wanted_ a smack he made sure to earn it discreetly, in a way that didn't publicly disgrace the Government. When he was concerned about some aspect of their relationship, they talked things over like adults. It was all very dignified, ministerial, sensible.

Michael, on the other hand, was impossible. It was like having a little kid in the government. He couldn't seem to keep his hands or his mouth to himself, he forgot his homework, when he was bored he deliberately provoked people to get a rise out of them, when he was upset about something he sulked or sniped at whoever had annoyed him instead of discussing the problem openly. As a friend he was delightful, but as a subordinate he was a complete nightmare.

But David still had to deal with him, unfortunately. He took a deep breath, rubbed at his forehead to chase away the red mark, and invited Michael in. His friend strolled through the doorway with his hands in his pockets, looking slightly puzzled and thoroughly unrepentant.

"William says you leaked the scuffle in Cabinet to the _Times_ ," David began without preamble. With Michael one had to cut straight to business or the meeting would simply never _end_.

"Then he's a sneak and he's also wrong. He's not doing wonders for his credibility this week, is he? First he's weak on Libya, and now this."

"It's _my_ credibility that's been suffering more than his. Most of the country doesn't want military intervention, you know. It didn't exactly work out brilliantly the last two times we tried it," David reminded him, drawn into the argument despite his better judgement. Michael was completely mad on the Middle East; there was no hope of coming to some sort of reasonable consensus. As they'd all seen in Cabinet.

"But think how much worse things would be if we hadn't done it! Saddam Hussein would still be in power. Gaddafi would probably have chemical weapons and be turning them on his people right now; he discontinued his WMD program precisely because of our intervention in Iraq. People want their freedom, they want democracy, but we all saw what happened in Iran. If the state security forces remain on the side of the government they're too powerful; popular protests can't overcome them. If these revolutions are to be successful, we have to help them! Do you _want_ Gaddafi to win?"

David glared at him "What I _want_ is for my Government not to be imploding like a Middle Eastern dictatorship. And failing that, to know that I can at least count on you and George to support me, instead of going off on some sort of jingoistic, Boys' Own Adventure, messianic neo-con tear in Cabinet and then leaking it to the papers! If we send in troops that means me potentially ordering people _to their deaths_. That's not a decision I'm going to take because you two think it would be cool. You're being utterly irresponsible about this."

"It's your call, Prime Minister," Michael said, doing a pretty good Sir Humphrey Appleby. "But some people might argue that it's more irresponsible to let the Middle East and North Africa languish under the boot of tyranny and allow a perfect opportunity to democratize the region to pass us by because you were afraid to take decisive action. We have organic, home-grown revolutions springing up across the Arab world, and they could take root if only we have the courage to help them! We'll never have another opportunity like this. It's time we took a lead."

"You're entitled to your opinion," David said, trying to steer the conversation back to the intended topic. "You're not entitled to go off on it in Cabinet. Libya does not fall under the aegis of education, Michael; our foreign policy is none of your bloody business. And you're certainly not entitled to brief the papers on the dust-up!"

Michael looked puzzled. "You mean that article in the _Times_? I already said, that wasn't me."

David sat back in his chair, steepled his fingers, and gave Michael his most headmasterly look. "No?"

"If I were the one briefing, I would hardly have told them you were cross with me, would I?"

"That's..." David thought about it for a minute. "That's a good point, actually. Unless you anticipated this meeting and put it in deliberately to throw me off the scent."

Michael laughed. "If you were going to develop a paranoid streak, you probably should have done it before you had a go at Mandelson. May I give you a bit of advice from my days in the newspaper business?"

David spread his hands invitingly. "By all means."

"Follow the money. Who gains from this leak? It undermines your authority, but it hurts me even more. I'm known to be your man, so anything that weakens you also weakens me, and on top of that this makes it look like we've fallen out. It's not Liam; the cuts have put him in a very difficult position and any press is bad press for him right now. It's about fifty-fifty for William; his stance will play well with the isolationists on the backbenches but less well with the hawks, and undermining you helps him personally but hurts the Government just when he needs us to back him. I suppose he might be vexed enough with me to leak out of spite, and they do say the one who reports the murder is always the most likely suspect. Nick and Danny look good to their lot and we look divided and disorganized, so any of the Lib Dems might have done it. Nick desperately needs to get some credibility back and this might give it to him."

"It's not Nick," David said. He knew that for sure. After all the work they'd put into building up the coalition Nick wouldn't be spreading rumors that damaged their unity.

Michael nodded, swayed by David's certainty or at least unwilling to argue with him. "But are you sure of Danny? Vince? And there are others of us who gain by undermining you, Theresa, for instance. And George wouldn't have leaked deliberately but he can be very indiscreet. There's no shortage of suspects, David, but I can tell you it certainly wasn't me."

David decided to believe him. He did raise a good point about the story undermining his own authority.

"All right." He stood up and pulled the strap from the drawer, and Michael pouted but obediently held up his hands, offering his right palm and supporting it with his other hand.

"This is just for playing Tony Blair in Cabinet, then," David said.

"I happen to think Tony Blair was a great Prime Minister-" Michael began, affronted.

"And an abysmal military strategist," David interrupted, "which is how he managed to turn a war that was a good idea and that we won inside two months into six year humanitarian and public relations crisis. Ugh, that's why you're doing this, isn't it? You don't even have a coherent view about foreign policy, you're just trying to impress your _boyfriend_!"

He brought the strap down, and Michael's outraged protest turned into a yelp of pain.

"You're a minister now, not an opinion columnist. Stay! Within! Your! Brief!" David said, snapping the strap against Michael's reddening palm with every word. Strokes four and five raised visible welts and Michael's eyes were glistening. That was probably enough.

"All right, swap hands."

Michael reversed them to expose his left palm, wincing a little as the back of his hand made contact with the welts.

"Don't waste my time in Cabinet meetings and piss everyone else off by interfering with things that are none of your business."

"It's nothing to do with Nick's brief; you let him talk!"

"Nick is the Deputy Prime Minister! You're just my friend. Cabinet meetings aren't the pub, Michael, you can't just yammer on about whatever topic takes your fancy. I don't have time to deal with your nonsense in the middle of an international crisis, for God's sake. Will you please just fucking behave yourself for a few weeks until things settle down? Stop! Being! Such! A! Tit!"

Michael's lower lip wobbled a little. By the fifth stroke he was biting it hard enough to turn it white and blinking rapidly, and David felt a bit sorry for him.

"Okay, we're done. You can put your hands down," David said. Michael nodded shakily and immediately clamped them in his armpits.

"I'm sorry I made trouble for you, David. I didn't mean to add to your worries," he said, sniffling a little.

"I know. You just didn't stop to think before you opened your mouth."

Michael's eyebrows shot up, and David had just enough time to realize his mistake before Michael went for his throat.

"In my defense, that is a problem that afflicts us both. Peter Mandelson's non-existent Libyan business contracts? Establishing a no-fly zone? Perhaps we should sign a pledge. Or you should hand over the belt."

He actually had the nerve to take his hand out of his armpit for a moment and hold it out expectantly. Was there justification for hitting him again? Regretfully, David decided there really wasn't. He placed the strap pointedly on the desk behind him.

"Rank hath its privileges," he said, glaring at Michael.

"I've noticed," Michael said, clamping his hand again. "So has everyone else. I really am sorry for undermining your authority, David; that was careless and we can't afford it. I'll make a point next week of sticking strictly to my brief and agreeing with everything you say and flinching if you look at me crosswise. But _you_ mustn't slip up at all. There's no punishment with you and therefore no forgiveness. People know you get off scot free, and they resent it, so you can't keep making mistakes."

Michael looked at him earnestly, and David remembered why he kept him around despite his attitude problems and his militant views on foreign policy and the replica of Gandalf's sword that he kept in his umbrella stand. George couldn't report on the Cabinet's mood's like this; everything just sailed over his head. But years of childhood bullying had taught Michael to read the temperature in a room with great precision, although it was a skill he applied very selectively when it came to modulating his own behavior.

"Is it really that bad?" David asked.

"I'm afraid so. A few gaffe free weeks will clear the air, but it does rather sour people's good opinion when you come down like a ton of bricks on Nick for his idiotic comment and then turn around and make foreign policy commitments for the Americans without checking with them in advance. If they refuse to back you we're in quite a lot of trouble, you know," Michael said gravely.

"Whatever happened to taking a lead?"

"I _do_ want us to to take a lead. But not with announcements of international support we don't have for policies we don't have the materiel to implement. We have to appreciate that given the state of the exchequer we have limited resources, and we need to use them intelligently."

David rolled his eyes. "Fine. Since you obviously have so much free time to think about things that fall completely outside your brief, I'm giving you a secret mission. Dust off your investigative reporting skills and get on to your old mates at the _Times_ , and find me the name of that leak."

And now they would see if Michael's hands came up again, David thought with some satisfaction, because while Michael might defy him even to the point of lying to him, David didn't believe he was the sort to let another man- or woman, not to be sexist- take the fall for his crime.

But while Michael's eyes widened in dismay, his hands remained in his armpits.

"I can't ask them to reveal a source!"

Oh, for fuck's sake. "You're in government now! Isn't your first allegiance supposed to be to me?"

"'I could not love thee, dear, so much, loved I not honor more.' I'm not going to follow an immoral order, David. Honestly!"

"Fine, fine. If you've got too much journalistic integrity to ask the _Times_ then you can ask your _current_ mates in the Cabinet, if you still have any. Just bring me a head. And this was strike three, by the way; if I have to thrash you again before Easter I'm bloody well caning you."

"Yes, David," Michael said, with a meekness David did not find entirely convincing.

"All right then, toddle off. And if you see William apologize for being a tit. I have enough problems with him without having to deal with entirely justified complaints about you."

Now it was Michael who rolled his eyes, belying the subservience of his previous answer. "Yes, David."

But he might make the apology, for all of that. As the door shut behind him, David heaved a sigh of relief and replaced the strap in its drawer. He was never sure who suffered more in these encounters.


End file.
